Every relationship is built over days and weeks of love, trust, and understanding. It has its own imperfections, flaws, ups-downs and needs to be balanced with the equal efforts by both of the partners. And to the all the women out there: it is NOT your responsibility to keep on going the extra mile. Generally, it is expected of the girls to bind the relationship together. And, trust me, it is not healthy at all, it is not cute either.
So, here are 15 relationship goals that are way too bad for girls:
Let us face the reality, shall we? The internet has hiked our expectations like never before. Do not let those pretty pictures on Instagram fool you. What you think to be effortlessly happy couples hanging out, are actually cleverly choreographed and sponsored photographs. There is more to the reality than what meets the eye and they are anything but goals.
2. Violating Consent
Are you trying to say me that a guy a forcing himself upon you is masculine? Let me break your bubble: NO. There is nothing more important than consent in any physical relationship. And even if the relationship is not physical, it is nothing he should be angry, and you should be apologetic about. You are a human, not a sex object.
3. Being Super Possessive
Since a long-long time, a guy’s jealousy or possessiveness is often mistaken for his cuteness. Seriously, what can be cute about an insecure person who does not trust his partner? Nothing. Stopping you from talking to other guys and picking fights when you do the same, is not healthy at all. If he keeps a check on every soul you come across, trust me, he is not the guy for you.
Patriarchy is much deep seated in our minds than we think it to be. That is the reason why most of the times, your boyfriend might get away with a lot of things: “Oh, but, he is guy. He is supposed to behave like this.” No, he is not. Controlling everything, deciding things on your behalf, not considering your decisions in important matters, etc are few of the activities he cannot get away with.
5. Controlling What You Wear
What you want to wear is a matter of your choice and comfort. No one else’s. Period. It is not adorable if your partner does not let you wear that short dress to the dinner and passes it off saying that he does not want people to stare at you. That is where it gets toxic.
Ridiculing you for your body and passing it off as an affectionate tease, is not fine. No matter you how close are, if his remarks make you uncomfortable, say it out. Similarly, not letting you wear clothes of your choice because he does not want people to look at your body, is not ‘a goal’, it is pure insecurity.
7. Extremely Clingy and Needy
Every relationship has some emotional needs. Being there for your partner during hard times, helping him get over what’s troubling him, etc, is a part and parcel of it. But, what if his nature wrecks your mental peace? Not healthy at all. It is his dependency, not cuteness, and both of them are very different things.
8. Trying to Control Your Social Life
It is not adorable if your partner keeps a check on every activity that you do or every person you meet. Your social life, your friend circle is yours. Your partner cannot stop you from meeting new people or catching up the old ones. A relationship does not necessarily mean that all of your friends and acquaintances would be mutual.
9. Taking Violence for Love
Love and violence do not go hand in hand. If you have been said that more the physical violence, more the love, forget the lesson. No amount of love or affection can compensate for physical violence. A physically abusive partner is not ‘goal’. Violence cannot be romanticized, no matter what.
10. Checking Phones
Let’s be honest, each one of us, at one point of time, have had a partner who wanted access to our phones. If you have not come across someone like that yet, let us assume that you got lucky, and keep hoping that you remain so. But if your partner insists on checking your phone or wants an access our social media accounts without your will, it is NOT cute. If you do not want to share your credentials, do not be forced to do otherwise for the sake of proving your fidelity.
11. Forgiving Everything
Do not go on forgiving your partner everything just because you want to make the relationship work or show how supportive you are. Overlooking your partner’s faults is foolish, not adorable. Providing them with scope to make more mistakes, is not mature at all.
12. Giving Up Your Careers
No man is important enough to give up your career for. Your job and independence are much more important than a relationship. If you think you are setting relationship goals by destroying your career, you are wrong.
13. Making Sacrifices
A few adjustments here and there is fine, but when those adjustments turn into sacrifices, it is something to be worried about. You cannot set relationship trends by throwing away huge chunks of your life. There is more to your life than giving it all for a relationship. It is the real world, not a movie.
Knocking off anyone’s face who talks sense, is not adorable. If you are defending your partner despite his mistakes, you are making a fool out of yourself. It is not a compulsion to cover up for his mistakes. Confronting him will make you a better partner.
Suffering yet staying is the most heartless thing you could do to yourself. If it is getting toxic, walk out of the relationship. You are in no obligation to please people or set an example. The road to forever is long and it cannot be walked alone. Do not let a relationship define who you are.