Being a teenager is no easy task. Riddled up with hormones, peer pressure in school and parental supervision, it can get hard to feel like yourself at times. There may even be instances where teenagers must have claimed to hate their parents. But luckily for the parents, they even forgave their missteps. No matter what mistakes we make as parents, teenagers are always willing to forgive and forget because they love you for who you are. Sure, they may act embarrassed by you in front of their friends or call you old but deep down, they love you and respect you.
But there are moments in a parents’ life where they fail to create an understanding relationship with their teenager children. Maybe it’s because there was some miscommunication between you or maybe your teenager does not like the rules you impose on them. And such clashes lead to a crack in your relationship with your teenager. But know that, just like any other relationships, this one too takes work and effort.
Every parent wishes to have a good, healthy relationship with their children. To do so, there some things that you should never do when it concerns your teenager. Most parents have been guilty of doing these things which only hurts your relationship with your teenager, making them resent you and possibly even hate you. As parents, you often forget what it was like to be a teenager, struggling to be understood. The following list will help you avoid the common mistakes most parents make while treating their teenager that ruin your relationship with them.
Excessively criticizing them
Fault finding is a faulty evil that wrecks any relationship. But when it comes to parenting, criticism can play a greater evil. Parent to child is one of the very few relationships where you do need to offer a correction. As a parent, it is your job to teach your teenagers the way of life and how to rightly solve their problems. Such censure should be handled carefully and it would be preferred if you would give it kindly and sparingly. If you just randomly attack your teenager with your bombardment of disapprovals, they will not handle it well. It will only bring in grudges from them towards you. And remember, they are probably been criticized throughout the day by their teachers and peers. Their home should be a safe haven where they feel accepted and loved by you.
Be crabby or irritable
Would you want to be around an individual who always puts a damper on everything? Probably not. The same goes for your teenager too. It drives your teenagers away from you when you are constantly crabby or irritable around them or with them. It’s not necessary that your crabbiness is towards them. Maybe you are irritated that your kitchen has not been cleaned, or maybe you just had a bad day at work which has led to your bad mood. At such times, when your teenager is around, they get to be the ones stuck listening to you complain and be grumpy. Instead of lashing out your bad mood towards your children, talk to them once you cool down. Explain to them how you need some things to be so that they can keep follow it in the future and hence, not irritate you.
Having a judgemental attitude
Having an adversely judgmental attitude is a major relationship destroyer. Parents use different tactics such as using voice inflexion or even religious verses to make their point valid against their children. You may seem happy to put your point across but all your teenager hears are rough judgements. When you try taking a fair stance on problematic issues likes alcohol, marijuana, religion, your children end up interpreting it as a biased criticism. Small actions like rolling your eyes when your children come out wearing a certain outfit or using religious examples to enforce strict rules or even retaining from any signs of affections against your children when they disappoint you, come across as judgemental by your teenager children. It’s your right to voice out your concern to your teenager but do it carefully so that it doesn’t seem like you are belittling them or looking down on them. Listen to your children for their opinions too. It is not necessary to offer your opinion to every interaction you have with your teenager.
Stereotyping their behaviour
There’s a certain stereotype that all teenagers are crazy or selfish or irresponsible or lazy. Somehow, many parents have found themselves the right to ridicule and mock their own teenager children. Sure, they are just starting on the path to becoming adults, but that does not mean that they are not mentally and emotionally developed. As it is teenagers have a lot of pressure put on them by the society, school and their peers; the last thing they need is their very own parents doing the same. So, try to cut some slack when they don’t always do what they are told.
Expecting instant compliance
There have been many instances where parents expect their children to constantly obey their requests, no questions asked. Parents presume their children to jump them and fulfil every requests or order that are given to them. But would you ever demand the same from your partner or yourself? If you have given your teenager some chore that’s needed to be done, give them enough time to do so. Respect their time just as you would want to for your time to be respected.
Being stingy with your apologies
Sometimes parents end up acting like little 3-year-olds when they cannot tell a simple and honest “I’m sorry” to their children. They feel that apologising to them will cost them of their money or pride. Every time you take an unjustifiable action by unfairly punishing them or yelling at them, you end up creating more distance between you and your teenager. Every parent messes up but always strive to apologize often. Watching this will only make your children to rightfully remorse for their wrongs and apologize for their mistakes in the future. And this will lead to healthier, happier relationship between you and your teenager.